Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
