yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
