Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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