I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
