The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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