At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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