Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
