Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
