white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
