You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
