so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
