That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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