i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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