Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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