The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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