I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just sent this text using only my big toe
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
