She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
