i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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