Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
