My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I need to calm my uterus...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
