That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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