I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
