if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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