Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
