Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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