So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
