I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
