If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
