can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just want nice things and good sex
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
