I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize