thus making me awesome and them whores
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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