Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
