ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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