if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
