The maid of honor just puked.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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