come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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