I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
