I just cut my nipple shaving
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
