Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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