so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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