im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
