That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
