his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
