it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
