Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize