i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize