this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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