Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
