I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
