shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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