On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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