So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
