Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
