im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
