Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
