Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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