This is not my ceiling
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Can you bring me the toilet please
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize