just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
NoShamevember. You game?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
