yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
