put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
