Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
