Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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