some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
