Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This is the high leading the old right now
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
