I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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