Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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