you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
