just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
