she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
