I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
