I seem to have left my pride at pride
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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