Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
