Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
