my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
