goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
