If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
This show inspires me to have sex in space
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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