Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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